So hazy.

It's been a while since i've written.

I went back home this weekend. I find Ohio to be a place of anxiety to me. I feel as if i'm about to jump out of my skin. Traveling does that to me. It's funny that the place I once called home is now a place i have to travel to. It was nice to see my friends. Now that i'm back in New York I feel calm again. I can work now.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching as of late. I've been kind of getting lost in myself looking into the cracks. Everyday at random points I ask myself "How do I feel" and sometimes am surprised by the answer. Right now I feel frustrated that sometimes I feel so hazy in my mind, like trying to see myself through dirty water. I fucked up real bad doing drugs, I was keeping myself numb. It's coming to 3 months now since i've stopped completely, before that I was only going after drugs on the rare occasion. Since I've stopped I feel so much clearer, but I wonder if I would be more in touch if I had never started.

Again, i find myself writing about nothing. Back to real work.

Everyday I wake and the greatest joy is mine.